(Grass Roots Initiative for a New Christmas Hero)
Stop settling for mediocre watered-down holiday spirit. We can do better. Don’t say this. Don’t say that. Blah blah blah. Let’s face it, the holidays just aren’t as “merry” as they used to be. And there’s a big reason for it. A very big reason. An overweight reason, frankly. His name is Kris Kringle, and he stopped caring a long time ago.
He’s a slob. He really is. Poor grooming. Overweight. And I don’t think that’s a good role model for children. Do you?
Deer aren't for transportation. They're for hunting. I wouldn't use deer to get around. It's not practical. It's old technology. And frankly there are a lot of better ways to get around.
I’d love to show him the door, but he doesn’t use it. So let’s show him the chimney.
I heard I was on his naughty list. Maybe I should be. You have to be a little naughty to get things done. People don’t always like naughty, but they respect naughty.
People are tired of the broken promises. I never got the train set I asked for when I was eight. That’s a long time to keep someone waiting for a train set, don’t you think? I don’t need it now. Don’t need it.
There’s only so much you can blame on the unionized elves, the sick reindeer and the broken down sleigh. At the end of the day, you’re the project manager. You failed, so you’re fired.
We are the Grass Roots Initiative for a New Christmas Hero. We want to make Christmas great again and believe change must come from the very top – geographically speaking, that is, at the North Pole.
Instead of carrying the proverbial torch for the long-standing multi-cultural institution that gave rise to his importance, Mr. Kringle sold out on the very people who counted on him the most at a time when we could least afford it. But with some new leadership and your support, we can all make Christmas great again.
Between the soul-sucking consumerist rituals that dominate the Zeitgeist this time of year and a force-fed emphasis on political correctness that paralyzes once-merry people into issuing genericized greetings stripped of all holiday mention, Christmas is no longer the joyous holiday occasion it had been.
Someone was asleep on his watch and the Christmas spirit was stolen from us. G.R.I.N.C.H. intends to steal it back.
G.R.I.N.C.H. and the Trump4Santa movement are purely satirical, developed in the spirit of parody for entertainment purposes only. Plan B [the agency alternative], while proudly responsible for the fun being had here, is not affiliated with any political candidate, party or institution.